Extrovert society. Introvert personality.

I am an introvert.

 SURPRISE!!

 Bet you never would have guessed. And i'm sure that you are conjuring up images in your mind of an insecure, painfully quiet door-mat. Well, I'm none of that. I am pretty quiet sometimes, but its more out of observance and reflection than any inability to voice my opinion.

Here's the thing... Introverts get a pretty bad rap in this society. And it's not even because there aren't alot of us. It's because extroverts are the ones screaming to the Heavens about how not 'extroverted' we are.
Ok, maybe screaming to the Heavens is a bit dramatic, but you get the picture. For those of you who ARE extroverts, and don't understand your introvert friends, I thought I would shed a little light on the situation for you.

So.. it goes like this.  In mainstream society, an extrovert is seen as a party person who loves being in the center of attention, is loud, and popular, while an introvert is seen as a mousy quiet, person who is shy and scary. The issue with these depictions is that they are rather lacking in their definition. Introversion and Extroversion are not always about how you socialize.  True, they can affect it, but not always. Nor are you always one or the other. They're personality types. People fluctuate all the time. So let's break it down.


This is what my  good friend Merriam.. Merriam Webster, has to say about it.
Introversion:
1: the act of directing one's attention toward or getting gratification from one's own interests, thoughts, and feelings
2: the state or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life


Extroversion:
: the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self

That makes it all very clear to me, how about you. No? Ok, I will continue.

Introverts are very into their own personal interests. They tend to seek advice within themselves before consulting others. They often enjoy singular activities, like painting, fishing, or reading. These people like to reflect. A lot. This inner consultation revitalizes them. They may feel very comfortable alone. This doesn't make them shy . Rather, engaging large groups can often be draining for them in terms of energy. In fact many introverts love groups; small intimate ones, as opposed to large public ones. Introverts often like to observe activities or people before engaging. For this reason, they are not usually considered 'spontaneous' although this too is untrue.

So, for some of my extrovert friends, I know this sounds like "blah, blah blah, cooped up in the house, shy, socially awkward, blah, blah, blah." But again you would be wrong. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people choose not to engage in large public groups due to fear. Introverts are people who actually enjoy quieter, more intimate activities. They are people who tend to look inward. Unlike our extroverted friends, we are not bored by ourselves. Plain and simple.

Now, we live in a society, here in the US, that pretty much glorifies extrovert personalities. Celebs. Politicians. Bad boys and bad girls. And that leaves us with this idea that introverts are not as exciting, or interesting... or that they MUST be miserable being an introvert. But its not true. Nor are all those groups I mentioned necessarily all extrovert.

Take for example, dear old Beyonce. On stage, she is the poster child for extroversion. Attention seeking. In the middle of a crowd. Drawing energy from her fans. But off stage, Bey kept a tight lip about her personal life for a long time. Her social time was usually spent with intimate groups, family, etc. That's introverted behavior. It's a mild example, but it is an example nonetheless, of how a person can be different at different times.

So here I am. The Introvert. How does one understand me? Well...

• Many of us don't like small talk. It's not personal. It's how our brains work. Meaningful conversations, however, will be rather welcome. 
• If you are the spouse of an introvert, don't get offended if they need 'alone time.' It may not be anything you did. Introverts just need personal time to recharge our batteries, and that trait doesn't end at the altar.
• Extroverts tend to process their thoughts outwardly. Where as introverts often process their thoughts, well, inwardly. And in most cases, the mind alone works a lot faster than mind+mouth. So if we give you an answer quickly, or didn't share our thoughts with you, don't assume we didn't put any thought into the matter.
• If every offer to spend time involves conversing with, or entertaining large groups of people, expect a lot of  "no's". If there's ever a 'yes', we really, really, really love you.  ;-)
• Don't invite people over without checking with us first. We know you think everyone is welcome. But its not true. We are very particular about who we like to be around.

And finally, no we do not have a choice in the matter. Our introversion is innate, just like your extroversion. I don't apologize for being this way. It's not a bad thing. Being an introvert is not about being bored, shy, lonely, boring, linear, or a stick in the mud. It's about being happy by oneself. So BACK OFF! Lol.

Accept us. And get to know us. We're not going anywhere.