Lessons Before 30 (Part 1)

I'll be thirty on August 30th. Thirty is an unusual milestone. You are officially not a kid anymore. People less than 3 years your junior laughingly declare that you are old. The expectation is that you've job hopped, but ultimately settled into your career, maybe travelled a bit. You might be a parent, or parent-ready. It's grown up time, by society's standards. You should KNOW things now.

Well, I still don't feel quite on track, but I do KNOW things. Thirty years of life experience, I'd hope so. I thought I'd share them with you. A few life lessons per post, ending on my birthday. May you get something you needed.

 Lessons Before 30.

1: Forgiveness.

There's no getting around it. If you haven't already, you have to learn to forgive. Maybe you're convinced that you are forgiving. Those small slights like someone cutting you off in traffic, or a spilled drink, they blow over almost instantly. But I'm talking about those heavy betrayals. Cheating spouses. Abusive parents. Cruel Siblings.  Disloyal friends. Prejudiced employers. Criminals who've wronged you. They have to be forgiven too.

"That's not fair," you reply. "I deserve to be upset. They were wrong. I'm justified."

Maybe they were wrong. But who deserves to be upset? Who WANTS to be upset?

And that's the thing about forgiveness... It's not for Them. It's for you. Maybe it's the word that bothers you. Stirs up childhood memories of having to "forgive" your friend or sibling and "Hug it out" when you were still royally pissed. But that's not what forgiveness is, unless you want it to be. Forgiveness isn't about letting someone off the hook. You don't even have to tell them you forgive them. It's about letting go of the heavy feelings you've been carrying around, so that you can feel lighter, freer, and move on. It's a matter of the heart. You HAVE to forgive in your heart. Take the time. Process what happened, how you felt, and then acknowledge that it is over. (If it is indeed over.) Over doesn't mean fixed. Just that its not occurring anymore.

I know holding on to your feelings of being wronged makes you feel somehow secure. Like armor. Like it will keep you from feeling hurt again. This is a lie. A lie I learned well. In fact it makes you sadder. Or meaner. Or tired. Or quiet when you should speak up. Or loud so as to avoid the silence. Covering yourself with upset feelings to use as armor means.... you are covered in upset feelings. Release it. Let it go. Leave it in your twenties. Learn to forgive. I cannot tell you how much a difference it makes.